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BACHIE RECAP: I Think I’m A Bit In Love With Areeba After That Ham Sanga Moment

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It feels like just yesterday when we were toasting our warm goon to Alisha and Glenn on Bachelor in Paradise, so how the hell are we now analysing who Locky Gilbert will fall in love with on The Bachelor?

I know how – because it literally has been a day since BIP. Well, kind of. A few days, whatever. Essentially, Bachie content is never ending right now and I’m not exactly sad about it – I have nothing else to do with my life right now besides botch a few pilates online classes and cry into some Milo and icecream.

We start of our first episode of The Bachelor 2020 with… Osher and a lot of flammable plastic roses situated near literal flames.

“hi, I’m Osher, and I think my Tarocash suit smells like burning for some reason”

He’s all blah blah, welcome to The Bachelor, love, romance, help me my leg is on fire. You know the drill! On to our introduction to Locky Gilbert.

Quick thirsty side note here – I’m deeply obsessed with Locky after interviewing him for P.TV and deciding our one (1) 40 second conversation that wasn’t related to the filming bit had “vibes”. Hands in the air if this is how you also romantically operate in 2020!!

Anyway, Locky if your love story has now gone up in flames, hit me uuuuup!

Ok I promise that’s the last time I blatantly hit on someone via a recap they probably won’t read until… the finale episode. Promise!

So we get the usual sexy montage of our Bachelor. Locky rock climbing shirtless!

think I grazed me nips

Locky wandering the Balinese jungle shirtless!

think i leeched me nips

Locky pulling things on Survivor! Shirtless.

think i sprained me nips

When he eventually parkours his way to the Bachelor Mansion, we hear the usual spiel. Never has time to meet anyone on account of parkouring all over inanimate objects, falls in love heaps fast, wants to get married. Imagine if we got a Bachie who was like “yeah just here to pash some chicks and build my Instagram following, Osh! Would be sweet if one of those chicks was bonza, ay.” I mean…. I’m not saying that’s how it is…

haha not me tho!

Anyway! Let’s believe in love, shall we? We should be like Osher, whose face goes like this when Locky tells him he wants to meet the girl he’s going to marry.

THIS SHOW IS REAL AND THE LOVE IS REAL

First up! It’s Burrito Girl!

Burritos are my personality

We are calling her Burrito forevermore, since the first convo she has with Locky is this kind of sex orgasm over burritos with beef in them.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh I mean look I also love burritos? Who doesn’t love burritos? Aren’t we done with the “I’m a hot girl who eats burritos 5 times a day” thing yet?

Anyway, Burrito (Steph) is very confident. She’s all “YOU’D BETTER BE GETTING YOUR BURRITO WITH CHIPOTLE SAUCE” and “DON’T WORRY I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO EAT A CHILLI WITHOUT NEEDING A NAPPY.”

*tries to think of something to discuss besides burrito*

Locky laps it up – they basically stand there cackling about burritos for twenty minutes.

UGH, then Locky is like “any girl who looks like Steph but can smash a burrito is AMAZING.” LOCKY!!!! This is your strike one, mate. Can we not with the bullshit “I want a size 0 woman who eats like a brickie who just finished a 12 hour shift but also manages to retain her tiny figure and flawless skin”? Enough!

He is STILL going on about burritos hours after Burrito is yoinked off into the mansion’s bowels. I’m so burrito happy to have met burrito Steph she’s such a burrito girl.

The word burrito has no meaning anymore. When you think about it, what ARE burritos but a slab of severed meat inside a soggy flappy bread? I hate burritos now.

Okay am I high or is this show next level for 2020? Now we’ve got this woman:

could someone ring the bell for Mrs Tinsleyyyyyyuh!

Marching in with a Downton Abbey dinner plate. It gets worse – she tells us she’s keen for someone who makes her laugh, that if you’re not making her laugh to the point of an asthma attack (??) you’re not the guy for her.

Luckily, Asthma (I actually missed her name but also Asthma is literally her entire personality at this point) laughs at fucking everything. Literally everything. She laughs as she says hello, laughs when Locky says he’s nervous, laughs when… her puffer falls out of her undies????

Seriously, her puffer “accidentally” falls out of her dress from somewhere, and she grabs it very noticeably and puts it in her dress.

I mean COME ON

Anyway, eventually she lifts the lid off the Downton Abbey plate – it’s two hot chilis. HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS A BRILLIANT STITCH UP FROM THE PRODUCERS!

He eats some, lol times ensue. When Asthma walks off she’s apparently taken her heels off? Is this The Cliche Cool Girl Show now? STOP IT. I’m shocked she didn’t walk in with two beers.

I mean COME ON WITH EXTRA COME ON

Next we get the dancer woman, Nicole. This one:

dance, dance, wherever you may be, I am the lord of the dance

As we already knew from promos, she spends her time wheeling Locky around in a very tepid salsa or something. It’s cute, I guess. I don’t know I haaaaate the meet-cutes, it’s so awkward like in what world would you show up in your flamenco gear to a date being like SPIN ME!!! SPIN ME NOW!!!!

Anyway. Locky loves Nicole like he’s loved everyone so far. Then in comes Irena who he also loves. She’s a nurse and tells him to find her at the cocktail party so she can check his pulse and “see how he’s going”. Imagine if she checked it and was like:

oh… um this is a very low heartbeat can someone call an ambulance this man is dying

Next is this DOG!!!!!! A DOGGY!!!!!! DOGGY TIME!!!

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

I would die for Annie. Kick everyone else off this show and just make it The Bachelor: Annie Enjoys The Mansion please.

give Annie WHATEVER SHE WANTS FUCK

Then we have Areeba, the Boss Lady.

it’s like she googled “boss pose”

She explains how she’s the boss at work and the boss at home and the boss in a relationship and guys, I don’t know if Areeba is a boss?

idk if this cheesy office setup means she’s a boss??

Locky seems a bit afraid of her boss energy but generally upbeat.

Next is penguin girl!

that sure is a penguin girl

I actually love penguin girl? She’s just obsessed with penguins and has her own penguin cup she takes to bars and makes them use? Pre COVID I assume, lol. Anyway you could not pay me enough money to rock up on national TV in a penguin suit but I love this for her.

OH MY GOD GUYS. GUYS OH MY GOD. WE HAVE A BEER LADY.

I AM PSYCHIC

Am I psychic? What did I say!!!! I’m shocked someone hasn’t rocked up with Cool Girl Beers and here we are!!! This is Zoe-Clare and she is terrifying. Real Keira Maguire energy of “I will fuck you up if you cross me” shit. Hundo here to cause drama and not to be a real contender, you know?

Anyway, Cool Girl can open beers with her teeth!!!! Of course she can! She can probably also open them with her vagina because she’s SO COOL!

More girls arrive, then this girl arrives to a full Lebanese drumming group.

i mean, it’s definitely something

While this girl Laura sits in the car complaining about the drumming group.

this is also definitely something

She’s the Louis Vuitton girl – the one from the ads who wanted an LV bag for her birthday? Clearly another drama making Keira 2.0 vibe from her.

Then we get Charlie, who is the first woman to know Locky is from Survivor. She also absolutely CHARGES down the red carpet. Charges!

literally almost missed her on account of the zooming

In the waiting room/purgatory everyone’s like oooh what it’s Locky from Survivor? But honestly all I cared about was:

im the #1 bitch now

Anyway Charlie is really, REALLY trying to make “swear on my eyebrows” happen, and it’s not going to happen. DON’T LET IT, YOU GUYS. Please I beg you.

Annie is totally judging her.

shut the fuck up, Charlie

Anyway it doesn’t even matter because Bella is clearly the winner. She gets the FULL Cinderella entrance.

she’s won, everyone else go home

Locky gets “lost in her eyes” and they spend a lot of time just staring at each other and giggling.

We go back to the purgatory room where Penguin is just being the best? I love her?

be my best friend please

You know what the best bit is? Locky immediately takes Penguin for some one-on-one time!! Fuck yeah, Penguin!

GET THAT BREAD PENGUIN!!

They chat for a bit while these two, who I already can’t stand, bitch over some mimosas.

omg why is he taking the comedic costume person for a very producer-organised chat, shocking

Anyway, Penguin pulls off her penguin costume to reveal a SEXY LADYYYYYY UNDERNEATH! Like guys she wasn’t ACTUALLY a penguin. That would be way too exciting and excellent for Bachie.

Anyway, then Zoe Clare takes Locky for a chat. You know who hates this? I’m A Boss Areeba.

i will fuck you up peasant

She decides to go interrupt, and since we already knew Zoe Clare hates interruptions, it naturally turns into this absolute shitshow:

please i beg, release me from watching this

But! Areeba clearly has harnessed the leftover energy of Keira in the mansion because she manages to out-stare Zoe-Clare, who walks off in shame.

Then, she bitches to every single person who will listen, including a few who are maybe just cardboard cutouts they’re using the fill the room.

wow your skin’s looking quite two dimensional there

While she’s doing that, Locky’s with Irene taking his shirt off. These two are VERY cute. Surely it’s down to Irene or Bella.

that’s a money shot for the finale montage if I’ve ever seen one

Zoe-Clare is still bitching about Areeba, but with added “I have red hair, did you know I have red hair” zest on top. It’s like watching your drunk mate having a d & m with the bouncer.

DO YOU LIKE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE REMEMBER CRY ME A RIVER SO GOOOOOOD

Then shit gets really weird. She’s talking to-camera about how she has red hair, and how mean it is that Areeba interrupted her, and then the producer is like “why has this upset you so much” and Zoe-Clare kind of makes it about…. discrimination???

I am so confused

Like basically saying she’s being rejected (??) due to her red hair. It is so bloody bizarre – like obviously kids in school get bullied for red hair so it’s not too shocking if she has some issues about this shit, but… Areeba is literally a woman of colour. And also, no one was saying anything about her red hair.

Hooly dooley.

Moving along from that trainwreck scenario, the dancing lady is like HAHAHA I LIVED IN MANILA ON A CRUISE SHIP DANCING HAHA WHO DOES THAT I’M SO CRAZY, HAHA I’M CRAZY – but then Locky is like “nah that’s not crazy” and she’s all:

but… that’s my Cool Girl bit

Absolutely majestic areas. They do the Dirty Dancing lift, he says “every time” he’s with her (all of two times so far) he feels great.

Wait! Somewhere in there Locky sat down with Bella and basically got married to her, I forgot because it was literally 3 seconds of them being in love.

Back to the important shit – what the fuck is going on with Zoe-Clare. Now she’s worked up the courage to actually confront Areeba and honestly, I think I love Areeba now?

ADOPT ME

Like she literally just eats a sandwich while Zoe-Clare yells at her, it’s outstanding stuff. I don’t think we’ve ever seen someone so flat-out unruffled before, right?

Anyway, she absolutely comes out on top in the Zoe-Clare fandango. Like, wipes the floor with the woman all while eating a ham sanga. An energy I aspire to.

Eventually, Locky comes in with that special rose I forgot to talk about amidst all this drama. It’s giving the lucky recipient 3 times the dates and a solo date and a date in the Bach pad or some shit. They make it more complicated every year.

Shockingly, dancing girl (Nicole!) gets it.

omg i don’t even know what this means anymore ahha

It was pretty shocking only because the whole edit of this episode was like BELLA and IRENEEEEE so dancing girl was really a dark horse.

Then it was rose ceremony time and literally it was just two women I’ve never seen before in my life who went home, nothing to report here!

Until tomorrow!

Melissa Mason is the Managing Editor (Sydney) at Pedestrian. You can find her posting sub-par thirst traps on Instagram and tweeting very sporadically on Twitter

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The Advantages of Online Casino Welcome Bonuses

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When it comes to online gambling, the industry is thriving in 2020. Although casinos are banned in many countries, people still find ways to enjoy their favorite games of chance. However, considering the level of competition on the market, it may be difficult for a beginner to find a good online platform and take advantage of all offers. In this article, you will learn the benefits of casinos’ welcome bonuses.

What Is a Sign-Up Bonus?

As we have already established, the industry is growing rapidly and companies are desperately looking for new ways to attract customers. A welcome bonus is often used by online casinos to get new leads and players in the future. However, the best casino bonuses can be easily used to the player’s advantage. Here are the main reasons you should not neglect this offer.

  1. It saves your money

Quite obvious, right? Well, this is the main reason why you should always use welcome bonuses in online gambling: it is always better to not risk your own money. It is especially true for beginners. Since they have no experience, it is fairly common for beginners to lose their initial investment and be done with gambling for good. However, if you use your welcome bonus as a way of getting the basics skills, the chances of success will rise significantly.

  1. It allows you to try several games

Another common issue beginners face is a lack of understanding of which types of games they want to try: slots, roulette, baccarat, blackjack, etc. If you use your sign-up bonus, you will be able to play several games and choose the ones you like better. Moreover, you can take advantage of a welcome bonus on several online gambling platforms. That way you will try out even more options.

  1. It will make future gambling more profitable

Besides beneficial sign-up bonuses, good online casinos usually have great loyalty programs. For instance, the company may double up to five first deposits on the platform. If you invest 100 USD, you will get 200 USD to your account. More money — more games — more chances of winning.

Although a welcome bonus is a great way of upping your gambling game, there are a few things you should pay attention to. Firstly, a good bonus does not equal a good platform. Before choosing a casino, make sure that the company is legal and trustworthy. Since there are many scams right now, it is essential if you want to save your money. Moreover, check the available deposit/withdrawal methods and their terms.

We hope that this article has shown the true power of online casinos’ welcome bonuses and how you can use them to your own advantage. Follow our tips while choosing a platform and enjoy the best gambling experience.

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3 Key Mistakes to Avoid When Playing Blackjack

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Blackjack is the most popular casino game in the world. The card game, sometimes referred to as ‘21’, accounts for an average of 31 percent of all casino table traffic – this is consistent both online and in physical casinos. For reference, the second most popular is roulette (24%) followed by poker (21%).

It’s easy to understand blackjack’s popularity. It’s a simple game to grasp and offers players a mix of luck and skill: luck in the cards that are drawn, skill over how those cards are dealt and a player’s eventual hand. Compare that to roulette, which is based entirely on luck, and poker, which has a huge skill element to it.

However, while the beauty of blackjack is in its simplicity, there are also a number of complexities to the game, and as is the case with almost anything in life, you learn more from mistakes than successes.

With that in mind, here are three key mistakes to avoid when playing blackjack that can significantly increase your chances of winning, while limiting your losses.

Choosing the Wrong Table

Before a single card is drawn, being at the wrong table – whether live or online – is the first mistake to avoid.

First of all, each blackjack table will have different minimum bet requirements so avoid choosing one that is out of your budget. For instance, if you choose a table with a $100 minimum bet and your budget is $200, you might only play two hands.

Secondly, check the payout odds on the blackjack table. These are typically 6:5 and 3:2 and will affect how much gets paid out when you hit blackjack and land other bonus wins. Where possible, choose a 3:2 table as it pays out higher.

Thirdly, choose between a virtual and a live table. This is not so much a mistake to avoid but more comes down to personal preference. Virtual tables allow players to play against an automated computer, so you can play at your own pace, while live tables are usually quicker paced as human dealers are keen to move the game along.

When to Hit and Stand

As a general rule, most blackjack players know to hit when the hand is 12 and to stand when the hand equals 17. However, there are plenty of variables to consider that could influence when to hit and stand. Getting these right can really boost your chances of beating the house, while getting it wrong could prove costly.

One key move to implement is to always hit on a soft 17 – when the two cards are an ace and a six. This means that if you draw a 10 or picture card (jack, queen, king), then you convert your hand into a hard 17. It also gives greater flexibility if you draw a smaller value card as the ace can be used as a one.

While many players adopt a strict ‘never bust’ policy, meaning they always stand when their hand equals 12 or more, this can be ill-advised as it depends almost entirely on the dealer going bust.

Instead, analyze the value of your two cards compared to the dealer’s first card and weigh up the risk factor in drawing another card before the dealer draws their second. As a strict rule, if your first two cards equal 17 or more, then stand – anything else can be hit depending on the situation.

When to Split and Double

If you are playing in a blackjack tournament, either online or live, learning when to split and double can make all the difference to your chances of success. The same also applies to individual games of blackjack.

Click here to check the best tips on blackjack tournament strategies: https://extra.betamerica.com/casino-news/blackjack-tournaments-rules-strategy-and-where-to-find-them/

Splitting is when you split two cards when dealt the same value cards, so a pair of eights for example. Doubling is when you are given the option to double your bet after being dealt your initial two cards.

While it can be tempting to split and double at every opportunity to increase your winning, doing at the right time is the key.

It is not recommended to split when:

  • You are dealt two picture cards or two 10s
  • You are dealt two 9s
  • You are dealt two 5s
  • The dealer holds a 10 or picture card

It is best to split when:

  • You are dealt two 8s
  • You are dealt two aces
  • The dealer holds a 5 or 6 (as this is the highest probability of a bust)

Similar to knowing when to hit and stand, take a brief moment to assess the dealer’s drawn card compared to your own two cards and determine whether the probabilities are in your favour.

Likewise, knowing when to double down – when not to double down – can change the complexities of your blackjack game. A simple rule to know when to double is if your two cards equal 10 and the dealer’s card is between 2-9. Additionally, if you hold an ace, you can consider a double as these have the flexibility of playing as 11 or 1. But if the dealer’s card is an ace, ignore the double.

Conclusion

Blackjack may be a simple game but there are some important strategies to keep in mind next time you head to the virtual or live table. The game itself is still rooted in luck so there are never any guarantees to long-term success. However, by keeping these three important rules in mind, you can at least avoid making avoidable mistakes.

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Top 5 Entertainment Activities for College Students

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The life of college students is sometimes too complicated. They have to face tons of homework assignments that steal their time. Many students get stressed because of continuous learning. They seem to forget how to relax. If you’re a busy student, you should remember that you’re still young and shouldn’t waste this precious life stage. You can undertake some entertainment activities sometimes. Take your friends and organize funny games to unwind and let off some pressure. We asked writing experts from a professional essay service Smart Writing Service to share their ideas and provide you with top-5 entertainment activities for college students you may like. 

Who Are You?

Students, especially freshmen, don’t know each other perfectly. They may be taken by surprise when some of them tell something quite unexpected about their hobbies, preferences, and so on. If you want to know other students better, suggest playing a game called “Who Are You”.

Form at least three teams. If there are many folks, you can form more teams. Choose a speaker of the game. It may be even one of your teachers or professors. All groups will be given topics to discuss. The speaker is supposed to announce a new topic every few minutes. You may discuss and answer the following topics:

  • What is the greatest challenge you are facing?
  • What do you like or hate most about yourself?
  • What is your greatest value in life?
  • What emotions do you express easily?
  • What is the most valuable thing in friendship?
  • Who you want to become in five years?
  • What is your major objective for next year?
  • Is there something you want to improve about yourself?
  • What motto do you try to live by?
  • Where would you like to travel?
  • If you were to study abroad, what country would that be?

Students should write their answers on index cards. The speaker should gather the answers of every student and shuffle them. Afterward, he/she redistributes them randomly to students. Each person should guess whose card he/she is holding. Play this game after you spend some time together and already know at least something about one another.

Sentence Completion

Another fun activity is “Sentence Completion.” Most people like it because it’s commonly accompanied by laughter and good mood. It’s necessary to prepare a list of sentences. Those sentences should have a beginning, but with no end. Every student should finish the sentence he/she gets. Oftentimes, students give funny answers. At times, they are quite serious, and we can learn something important about other students. Here are several sentence beginnings you may choose:

  • Before I came to college, I was interested in…
  • When I was a child, I wanted to become…
  • The best moment I remember most about high school is…
  • My favorite pet is…
  • The things I value most are…
  • Five years from now I hope to be…
  • My greatest personality trait is…
  • My favorite subject at high school was…
  • If I could change one thing in the world, it would be…
  • My greatest fear is…
  • After I graduate from college, I…

The Reception Line

You may likewise try another entertaining activity for college students. It is called “The Reception Line.” Gather all the mates eager to participate. Divide yourselves into two groups. If you form more, it won’t fit the rules of the game. Each person talks to the person in front of him/her until he/she must move. The person at the end of one line goes to the end of the other line. This method makes it possible to meet new people. Thus, students will learn more about each other. You can make shifts every next topic or set a limit. For example, the pair should discuss 5 topics and afterward move to change partners. Here are some interesting topics to discuss:

  • Where would you like to travel?
  • What motto do you try to follow?
  • What is your favorite movie?
  • What music do you like?
  • What is your favorite hobby?
  • Why did you choose this college?
  • What do you like about college life the most?

Take Sides

You can likewise suggest a game, which offers only two options. It’s called “Take Sides.” Create a list of questions with two answers. Students should obligatorily choose one of them. Afterward, you may discuss the answers. Let everyone explain his/her choices. Thus, you’ll learn more about each other, and it will bring you closer. Here are several suggestions:

  • Watermelon or banana?
  • Sweat or bitter?
  • Short trips every weekend or a journey around the world for three months?
  • Partying or hiking?
  • Listen or speak?
  • Rock or pop?
  • Morning or night?
  • Superman or Batman?
  • Robocop or Terminator?
  • Harry Potter or the Lord of the Rings?
  • Los Angeles or New York?
  • Liberal or conservative?
  • American football or ice hockey?

My Most Embarrassing Moment

You can likewise tell each other about the most embarrassing moments. It’s important to be honest and don’t imagine a story that never took place. All the participants should agree on this term. Commonly, it is a very entertaining activity. Students tell funny stories they’ve been through. It commonly makes them closer.

These activities for college students are very simple to follow. They are really entertaining. Mind that we have mentioned only 5 of them. However, you can try a hundred activities more. Use our examples to have fun and relax. They may inspire you and your friends to look for other entertaining activities.

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