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Warning: These 30 Shark Movies Will Make You Avoid the Water Forever

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Admit it: most of us are at least a little scared of deep-sea swimming. And a lot of that’s probably absolutely traumatized by all those shark attack movies you’ve watched in your lifetime. Also, why are there so many of them?!?

Anyway, anyone who’s seen even 10 minutes of Shark Week knows that sharks don’t just start attacking humans randomly, unless attacked or provoked. And I’m assuming any two-legged being in their territory counts as so. It also doesn’t help that Hollywood loves to scare us! There’s always going to be some bikini-clad A-lister who lives somewhere near water and then bam! Their legs are bit off by a shark. C’mon, that’s ALL the movies.

But that doesn’t mean they have to be bad (or, at the very least, boring). Sharks now run in shallow water (come through for Jurassic Shark), sand (Sand Sharks, yep) and can become zombies (Zombie Shark). Oh, and let’s not forget the tornadoes (Sharnado, ze classic), ghosts (Ghost Shark) and fossils-come-to-life (The Meg-like). Oh, and also sharks exists in swamps now (hi, Swamp Shark)?!?

There’s a shark movie for every person. And here are some of the most excitingly inane and bone-chilling shark flicks that’ll probably make you rethink that spring break cruise.

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                  1.3-Headed Shark Attack

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                  This movie will not only make you terrified of the water, but also cruise ships. HEH. Danny Trejo, Karrueche Train, and Rob Van Dam must try and protect the cruise ship they’re on that gets attacked by a mutated shark. Mind you, this shark has already eaten one end of the ship and they must stop it from…eating the whole damn thing. NBD.

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                  2. Swamp Shark

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                  Not all sharks are apparently found in the ocean, which makes life even that more terrifying! Swamp Shark follows an animal smuggling deal that turns in to a bust, but turns into the escape of a man-eating swamp shark. When it starts eating humans, people don’t believe that it’s this aquatic creature killing their own. So it’s up to a woman to convince and save her community.

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                  3. Psycho Shark

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                  In this Japanese film, two college girls head out to a beautiful private beach island where they planned on hanging out in the water and relaxing. But that’s not what the shark there had on their agenda. I’m never leaving my beach towel on the sand from here on out when I head to the beach.

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                  4. Ice Sharks

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                  These scientists were just living another doing and doing their jobs when their research station in the Arctic gets attacked by sharks that were able to break through the ice. They must fight for their lives before they all get eaten up.

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                  5. Jaws 2

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                  Horror *legend* Jaws had no business becoming a franchise. That said, Jaws 2 isn’t…that bad. Another shark starts attacking the beach and now there are kids and teens involved. Say what you want, it’s still better than the computer animated horror-inducing mess that the other Jaws sequels were.

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                  6. Dark Tide

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                  Poor, poor Halle Berry. In Dark Tide, Halle is a “shark whisperer” who can’t go back into the water after a diver was killed on her watch. And now she’s taking a millionaire and his son on a shark dive. This movie wanted to be emotionally heavy. But, um, yeah.

                  7. Shark Attack

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                  Honestly, I’m still not sure what this movie is about. A shark that was used for research starts killing people, but a marine biologist thinks it’s a weird conspiracy? There’s a lot of going on. This movie is so bad. But I love it, because it’s so bad.

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                  8. Sharkwater

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                  This is dedicated to my fellow Planet Earth stans. The documentary filmmaker takes us through the waters of some of the most beautiful places on Earth, while busting myths about sharks and helping us realize how important for the ecosystem they really are.

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                  9. Tintorera: Killer Shark

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                  This is less shark horror, more soft porno. An American businessman in Mexico falls for an English woman. But then he has to share her with a swimming instructor. And the shark starts killing them one by one, right after they have…a threesome. The shark comes through and kills the characters just as they get annoying, though, so props to that bad boy!

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                  10. Jurassic Shark

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                  I’m pretty much ded every time I watch this movie—it’s just tragic in every sense of the word. There’s a shark (apparently that can swim in knee-deep water) that was awakened after millions of years of slumber, cool. But then it looks like a blow-up doll and it kills people by making them explode and only leaving the stumps of their legs. This movie makes me want to meet one.

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                  11. Jaws

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                  Jaws has the fine distinction of being not only the greatest shark movie ever made but also one of the greatest horror movies ever made. No matter that fake-shark technology has advanced about a million percent over the past 40 years—Jaws is still terrifying enough that you wouldn’t want to watch it during a beach vacation. And it definitely helps that John Williams’s score is so iconic that it conjures doom no matter where you are when you hear it.

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                  12. The Shallows

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                  The premise of this movie is ridiculous—beautiful girl goes surfing alone in a secluded cove, ends up on a rock fighting for survival before the tide comes in—but the execution is flawless. Every single piece of Blake Lively’s wardrobe becomes useful in her fight against the murderous great white that wants to eat her for dessert (a whale carcass is dinner), and Blake’s costar, Steven Seagull, truly deserved an Oscar.

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                  13. Deep Blue Sea

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                  In this 1999 treasure, scientists accidentally engineer shark brains so that sharks are smarter and more dangerous, thus making it problematic when they start escaping from the research pens and attacking people. This movie is recommended for those of you who saw Snakes on a Plane and thought, Hmm, I wonder what it’s like to watch Samuel L. Jackson fight sharks instead.

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                  14. Open Water

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                  This horror show is based partially on the true story of a couple left to fend for themselves in the open ocean after the rest of their scuba-diving expedition forgot them. What happened to the real people remains a mystery, but Open Water’s characters meet a very, um, definitive end.

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                  15. Sharknado

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                  Say what you will about the quality of this cult favorite, but there’s no question it revived the public’s interest in intentionally bad made-for-TV movies. The title says it all, but just to make it super clear: Los Angeles gets hit by a cyclone that causes shark-filled water spouts all over the city. You’ll laugh until you remember the movie was such a hit that it spawned a zillion sequels.

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                  16. The Reef

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                  After their boat capsizes, a group of friends attempt to rescue themselves by swimming through open water to get to the nearest land. Unfortunately, that water turns out to be home to a shark who’s not that willing to share his territory with these human swimmers, and chaos ensues. And that’s why you never agree to get on a boat!

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                  17. Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus

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                  Is this movie bad? Yes. But does it feature a humongous shark fighting a humongous octopus? Yes, so I fail to see the problem.

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                  18. Shark Night

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                  This film asks the question, “What if sharks lived in saltwater lakes and ate people for sport?” The answer is blood. Lots of blood.

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                  19. Ghost Shark

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                  The only thing scarier than a living shark is a dead shark that comes back to life and decides to eat you. In the titular ghost shark’s defense, though, it is only dead because a human decided to torture and kill it. Its victims kind of had it coming, you know?

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                  20. Blue Water, White Death

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                  Finally, something a *little* bit less sensational. This 1971 documentary follows the quest to film a great white shark underwater for the first time. The doc doesn’t exactly diminish the shark’s reputation as a killer, but it’s an interesting tale nonetheless.

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                  21. Sand Sharks

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                  It’s sharks, but they swim through sand instead of water. Makes perfect sense.

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                  22. 47 Meters Down

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                  In this 2017 gem, two sisters (hi, Mandy Moore!!) are on vacation in Mexico when they decide to go shark diving with some sketchy dudes they meet in a bar. Naturally, the chain holding their shark cage breaks, so they get stuck—wait for it—47 meters down and must fight off the bends, faulty air tanks, and, yes, a giant shark.

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                  23. The Meg

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                  This movie features Jason Statham fighting a 2-million-year-old megalodon! It is literally perfect. Also, it’s based on a book that has sequels, which means this could end up being a franchise. God bless.

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                  24. Avalanche Sharks

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                  In case the title didn’t make it clear, Avalanche Sharks is about a bunch of sharks atop a snowy mountain that spend their time murdering skiers. And watching it made me realize that the best genre of shark movie is “SURPRISE, SHARKS ARE ON ON LAND NOW.” We are not worthy of this creative genius.

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                  25. Zombie Shark: The Swimming Dead

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                  Wow, what did we do to deserve this? This being a zombie shark movie, of course. But don’t get it twisted: The premise of Zombie Shark isn’t that sharks are turning into zombies. It’s that shark bites are turning humans into zombies. It’s the genre mash-up we never knew we needed.

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                  26. Bait

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                  First of all, this movie was released in 3-D, which, yes please. But also, the plot is so extra: A bunch of hot people are chilling in a grocery store when a tsunami hits and floods the building. Unfortunately, a great white shark is washed into the store—ugh, hate when that happens—and proceeds to murder everyone.

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                  27. 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

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                  One of the characters in this sequel to 47 Meters Down, Catherine, stays on the boat while the rest of her friends dive into the water and explore an ancient submerged city and are attacked by sharks. Catherine might just be the MVP of all these movies.

                  28. Malibu Shark Attack

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                  Okay, so, take the plot of Bait but make it even more insane, and you get Malibu Shark Attack. Some sexy lifeguards get trapped in their station after a tsunami hits and unleashes a pack of…wait for it…“prehistoric goblin sharks.”

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                  29. Toxic Shark

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                  The only thing worse than going on a tropical couples retreat during which a shark rolls up and kills everyone? Discovering the *hard* way that said shark spews poisonous acid out of its mouth—a totally realistic thing that could definitely happen IRL, don’t question it!

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                  30.Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws

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                  Kinda like Ghost Shark, only in a big city. As a reminder: Our toothy friend is super pissed when a bunch of randoms kill him during a fishing trip, so he decides to become a ghost and come back for REVENGE—this time in New Zealand. Also, I’m genuinely dead at this picture, although not as dead as this shark.

                  IMdB

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          Entertainment

          Woman Shares 20 Important Things People Should Know Before Marrying Someone

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          How do you know when is the right time to marry your significant other? Do you wait until your third anniversary? Or do you pay off your student loans first? No, wait. Let’s just forget the latter and focus on this lifetime.

          According to Twitter user @cxkenobxkerry, however, a much more important question we should be asking ourselves is if we really should marry them in the first place.

          On July 23, she posted a thread titled ‘Don’t Get Married Before‘ where the woman listed all the things we should know about ourselves and our partner before we tie the knot with them. From religion to sexuality, @cxkenobxkerry listed questions, touching on a wide range of themes that should reveal whether two people are compatible or not.

          As of this article, the thread has over 220K likes and 60K retweets, and some commenters are even suggesting additional questions as well. Continue scrolling, check it out and who knows, maybe it’ll provide you with some answers, too.

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          Dr. Joshua Klapow, a clinical psychologist and host of the podcast The Kurre and Klapow Show, defines romantic compatibility as “the degree to which each person’s view of love, intimacy, and attraction (and the expression of these experiences) work together for mutual benefit.”

          Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, expanded on this, saying that romantic compatibility happens when two people are “equally attracted to each other.” But more than feeling butterflies and being emotionally intimate, according to Susan, romantic compatibility happens when they’re both “on the same page about where you want the relationship to go.”

          When it comes to romance, it’s all about the details, like doing activities the two of you can enjoy together. This gets to the heart of romantic compatibility the way Jessmina “Minaa B.” Archbold, psychotherapist, social worker, and author of Rivers Are Coming: Essays and Poems on Healing, defines it. For Archbold, romantic compatibility is when two partners respect each other and are interested in learning more about each other. “You don’t necessarily have to share the same interests,” Archbold told Elite Daily. “But it means caring enough to learn about each other in order to strengthen the relationship bond, while also learning about each other’s needs.”

          The thread continues to evolve to this day

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          All of this doesn’t mean that opposites can’t attract one another. If one person is, for example, really interested in theater and the arts, and their partner is really immersed in sports and fitness, that doesn’t mean that they can’t be in a healthy, happy relationship. Opposites on the outside can attract, but similarities in values and morals on the inside are what’s necessary for a good match.

          And here’s what other people have been saying about it

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          Tu Dors Nicole is the rare film to capture the tedium of summer

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          Illustration for article titled Finally, a coming-of-age film that captures how damn boring summer can be

          Screenshot: Tu Dors Nicole

          Watch This offers movie recommendations inspired by new releases, premieres, current events, or occasionally just our own inscrutable whims. This week: As August kicks off and the warmest season begins drawing to a close, we’re looking back at some of our favorite summer-themed movies.


          Tu Dors Nicole (2014)

          For many people, especially those fresh out of school and circumscribed by money or geography, summer is an aimless time defined by temp gigs, tenuous relationships, and desperate attempts to relieve boredom. It’s understandable that so many filmmakers tend to liven up their summer films with external conflict or improbably high stakes, if only because it’s very difficult to dramatize the sheer tedium of youth. In Tu Dors Nicole, however, director Stéphane Lafleur depicts one of the most resonant, believable lazy summers of the past decade simply by focusing on idle moments too rarely captured on film. Much of Tu Dors Nicole features bored people trying to entertain themselves by any means necessary. The results are often riveting and beautiful.

          Lafleur’s portrait of a dog-days summer is grounded by the friendship between Nicole (Julianne Côté) and Véronique (Catherine St-Laurent), two Québécois twentysomethings suffering from severe post-grad malaise. When Nicole receives her first credit card in the mail, she and Véronique impulsively buy tickets to Iceland in order to “do nothing, but somewhere else.” It’s an excuse to get out of the suburbs, particularly after Nicole’s brother, Rémi (Marc-André Grondin), turns their family home into a makeshift recording studio for his indie/garage rock band. Unfortunately, the plans are quickly scuttled by Véronique, who doesn’t live at home and can’t abruptly quit her job because of rent. A rift grows between the two old friends.

          The Ghost World-esque narrative compels on its own merits because Lafleur and his stars are committed to indirectly communicating universal feelings, like jealousy and betrayal and the painful feeling of drifting apart from a close friend. There’s a brief blow-up, but most emotions are unspoken, conveyed instead by pointed glances or pregnant silences. Lafleur never makes it too explicit, but it’s clear that Nicole is the more insecure and socially defensive of the two, the Enid to Véronique’s Rebecca, and her friendship with Véronique has always sat on slightly unsteady ground. When Véronique hits it off with Rémi’s new drummer, JF (Francis La Haye), who also casually flirts with Nicole, lingering resentments are brought slightly closer to the surface.

          Yet this plot never threatens to overwhelm Tu Dors Nicole, a film much more interested in conveying the weight of ennui. When she’s not at her job folding clothes in a secondhand store (where she frequently shoplifts), Nicole putters around her neighborhood, watching the neighbors and walking empty suburban streets at night because of her insomnia. A general half-awake feeling pervades Tu Dors Nicole, underscored by the film’s gorgeous black-and-white 35mm photography, which spotlights the gray areas Nicole moves through, and the fact that every character exists in some kind of liminal state. Nicole and Véronique face relatively uncertain futures, likely apart instead of together. Rémi knows his band will soon break up when Pat (Simon Larouche), his bassist, starts a family. In the film’s most overtly surrealist touch, a local neighborhood kid (Godefroy Reding) speaks with a sexy adult voice, which he believes gives him a shot at Nicole, his former babysitter. Though he exists in the film’s margins, he’s the literal manifestation of the shaky bridge between childhood and adulthood that Lafleur probes so well.

          Like all great coming-of-age stories, Tu Dors Nicole focuses on a specific element of adolescence, mainly the terrible time when someone finally realizes that they’re in control of their own fate. Lafleur and Côté ignore all the traditional platitudes about “likability” and render Nicole unique but recognizable, someone who can be petulant one moment and generous the next. She is a typical college graduate in many ways, unsure of how to live out the rest of her life, and yet her behavior also suggests she’s completely lost in a deeper sense. (A telling moment: Nicole, sitting in the stands of an empty baseball field with Véronique and JF, is the only one who doesn’t react when suddenly informed that a ball is headed right for them.) As the English translation of the film’s title suggests, Tu Dors Nicole traces Nicole’s slow “awakening,” concluding on a reckless act that nevertheless implies she’s finally taking the reins of her own life, even though she can’t always predict the consequences.

          Availability: Tu Dors Nicole is available to stream for free (with ads) on VUDU and on Kanopy (with a library card or university log-in). It can also be rented or purchased from Google Play, iTunes, and YouTube.

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          Former Real Housewives of Atlanta star Peter Thomas thinks he contracted coronavirus after taking a selfie with a fan

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          Former Real Housewives of Atlanta star Peter Thomas has tested positive to COVID-19.

          The bedridden reality star shared his diagnosis on Instagram on August 3, saying that he thinks he contracted the deadly disease after taking a selfie with a fan.

          “I’m going to tell you something, wear your mask, wear gloves and practice social distancing,” the 58-year-old said in the video. “People come up to me and ask me to take pictures all the time and they want me to have the mask off and they want to hug on me and they say they like me. I take those pictures, and every time I take those pictures, I’m praying to God that I don’t get this thing, but it caught up to me.”

          Real Housewives of Atlanta, Cynthia Bailey, Peter Thomas, Omars La Ranita, 2016, New York City.
          Peter Thomas was married to Real Housewives of Atlanta star Cynthia Bailey from 2010 to 2017. (Getty)

          Thomas was married to 53-year-old RHOA star Cynthia Bailey up until 2017, and often appeared on the popular franchise. The pair went their separate ways after seven years of marriage and Thomas now lives in Miami, where he runs his beachside bar, Bar One. 

          “It’s the most excruciating pain I could think of. My stomach [has been] a complete wreck for the last 8 days, pain [and] constant cramping. The pain is crazy. Chills all day and all night,” he said in the clip, adding that he took five COVID-19 tests before getting a positive reading. 

          READ MORE: Real Housewives of Potomac star Ashley Darby reveals how she and Aussie husband survived ‘torrential times’ to become stronger than ever

          “I gotta be in bed for another seven days before they come and take the test again. I have to be negative twice before I can even think about outside. I guess I should be celebrating because here in Miami there’s 260 people dying everyday for the last seven days. I am celebrating because I’m still alive,” he said. 

          “I want you guys to take this thing extremely serious because it’s no joke. The pain don’t go away. Your body is extremely sensitive, the slightest little thing, it’s constant pain everywhere. I can’t wait for this s–t to be over.”

          DJ Khaled

          Celebrities with coronavirus: Who has it and who’s self-isolating

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